To the tune of "Dirty Laundry" by Don Henley
I make my living off the Unix news, Just give me something that I can use. Users love it when they lose, They love Unix quandries.
Well I could have been a hacker, But I wound up here. I just have to look good, I don't have to be clear. Come and whisper in my ear, We need Unix quandries.
Use 'em when they're up, Boot 'em when they're down. Use 'em when they're up, Boot 'em when they're down. Use 'em when they're up, Boot 'em when they're down. Use 'em when they're up, Kick 'em all around.
We got the bubble-headed bimbies, Log on at five, They can tell about the last crash, With a gleam in their eye(s). It's int'resting when sessions die, Give us Unix quandries. Can we film the operators? Are the heads dead yet? Y'know the boys in the staffroom, Got a running bet. Read the manual on tset, We need Unix quandries.
You don't really need to find out What's going on, You don't want to know just How far it's gone, Just leave well enough alone, Keep your Unix quandries.
Use 'em when they're up, Boot 'em when they're down. Use 'em when they're up, Boot 'em when they're down. Use 'em when they're up, Boot 'em when they're down. Kick 'em where they sit, Kick 'em all around.
Dirty little disk packs, Dirty little drives, We got our fingers in ev'rybody's pies, We love to shut you down (first prize), We love Unix quandries.
We can do the innuendo, We can dance and sing. When it's all over we haven't Told you a thing. We all know 'bout rebooting, Give us Unix quandries.
Use 'em when they're up, Boot 'em when they're down. Use 'em when they're up, Boot 'em when they're down. Use 'em when they're up, Boot 'em when they're down. Use 'em when they're up, Kick 'em all around.
Author : Rich Kulawiec <