We had a catastrophic system crash. As former Chicago mayor Rahm Emanuel stated “You never want a serious crisis to go to waste. And what I mean by that is an opportunity to do things that you think you could not do before.” So, data recovery is in process, and we are migrating to a new CMS. Hopefully, this one will be more stable.
Q: What's grey on the inside and pink and white on the outside?
A: An inside-out elephant.
Q: What is grey and not there?
A: No elephants.
Q: Why are elephants large, grey, and wrinkled?
A: Because if they were small, white, and smooth they'd be aspirins.
Q: Why are elephants wrinkled?
A: Have you ever tried to iron one?
Q: Why do elephants wear small green hats?
A: So they can sneak across snooker tables unobserved.
Q: How does an elephant hide in the jungle?
A: He paints his chucks red and climbs up a cherry tree.
Q: What's the loudest noise in the jungle?
A: A giraffe eating cherries.
Q: How many legs does an elephant have?
A: four, two in the front, two in the back.
Q: How do you get 8 (!) elephants in a fridge, with only
enough room for two?
A: Put four in a mini, four in another mini, put the two
mini's in the fridge, as a fridge large enough to hold
two elephants surely can hold two minis!
Q: How do you get Tarzan in the fridge?
A: Open door, get two minis out, put Tarzan in, close door.
Q: How do you know Tarzan is in the fridge?
A: You can hear Tarzan scream OYOYOYOIYOIYOOOOOO
Q: How do you get two Tarzans in the fridge?
A: You can't, silly, there is only one Tarzan!
Q: Why are there so many elephants running around free in the
jungle?
A: Tarzan's fridge is not large enough to hold them all.
Q: How many elephants can you actually put in a fridge?
A: Depends on the number of elephants.
Q. What has the Fifth elephant in a Mini discovered?
A. The sunshine roof.
Q. What do you call two elephants on a bicycle?
A. Optimistic!
Q. What do you get if you take an elephant into the city?
A. Free Parking.
Q. What do you get if you take an elephant to work?
A. Sole use of the lift.
Q: How do you know if there is an elephant in the pub?
A: Its bike is outside.
Q: How do you know if there are two elephants in the pub?
A: There is a dent in the cross-bar.
Q: How do you know if there are three elephants in the pub?
A: Stand on the bike and have a look in the window.
Q: How does an elephant get down from a tree?
A: It doesn't, You get down from a duck.
Q: How do you get an elephant out of a tree?
A: Stand it on a leaf and wait 'till autumn.
Q: What do you get when you cross an elephant with a kangaroo?
A: Bloody great holes all over Australia.
Q: Why is an elephant big, grey, and wrinkly?
A: Because, if it was small round, and white it would be an Aspirin.
Q: How do you know if there is an elephant under the bed?
A: Your nose is touching the ceiling.
Q: What's big, red, and slimy?
A: An inside-out elephant.
Q: Why do elephants wear sandals?
A: So that they don't sink in the sand.
Q: Why do ostriches stick their head in the ground?
A: To look for the elephants who forgot to wear their sandals.
Q: What did Hannibal say when he saw 1,000 elephants coming over the hill?
A: "Look, There's 1,000 elephants coming over the hill."
Q: What did he say when he saw 1,000 elephants with sunglasses on, coming over
A: Nothing, he didn't recognize them.
Q: Why shouldn't you go into the woods at 5 o'clock?
A: Because that is when the elephants do their parachute jumping.
Q: What is a furry alligator?
A: A bear that went into the woods at 5 o'clock.
Q: Why don't elephants like penguins?
A: They can't get the wrapper off. (To whom it may concern: Penguins are biscuits)
Q: Why do elephants paint the soles of their feet yellow?
A: So that they can hide upside-down in bowls of custard.
Q: Did you ever find an elephant in your custard?
A: No? Well, it must work so.
Q: Why do elephants paint their nuts red?
A: So they can hide in cherry trees.
Q: How did Tarzan die?
A: Yup, Picking cherries.
The Navy and the Air Force decided to have a canoe
race on the Potomac River. Both teams practiced hard
and long to reach their peak performance before the
race. On the big day, the Navy won by a mile.
Afterwards, the Air Force team was very discouraged,
depressed, and frustrated. The officers of the Air
Force team decided that the reason for the crushing
defeat had to be fund. A "Metrics team," made up of
senior officers, was formed to investigate and
recommend appropriate action. Their conclusion was
that the Navy had 8 seamen rowing and 1 officer
steering, while the Air Force had 1 airman rowing and
8 officers and NCOs steering. The senior officers of
the Air Force team hired a consulting company and paid
them incredible amounts of money. They advised that
too many people were steering the boat and not enough
people were rowing. To prevent losing to the Navy
again next year, the Air Force Chief of Staff made
historic and sweeping changes: the rowing team's
organizational structure was totally realigned to 4
steering officers, 3 area steering superintendents and 1
assistant superintendent steering NCO. They also
implemented a new performance system that would
give the 1 airman rowing the boat greater incentive
to work harder. It was called the "Air Force Rowing
Team Quality Program," with meetings, dinners, and a
three-day pass for the rower. "We must give the rower
empowerment and enrichment through this quality
program."
The next year the Navy won by 2 miles. Humiliated,
the Air Force leadership gave a letter of reprimand
to the rower for poor performance, initiated a $4
billion program for development of a new joint-service
canoe, blamed the loss on a design defect in the
paddles, and issued career continuation bonuses and
leather rowing jackets to the beleaguered steering
officers in the hopes they would stay for next
year's race.
Meanwhile, the Marine Corps was going to join but they lacked funding for a boat.
