On our First Day on Usenet

To the tune of “The 12 days of Xmas”

On our first day on usenet the mailer sent to me
a reject from uucp… (an unsent message. trouble was, it kept retrying
once an hour, so regular as clockwork, i got a
copy of the transmit session and a random piece
of my message – never enough to resend it, of
course!)

On the second day on usenet, upon my crt (were)
two ‘rot 13’s and
a reject from uucp…

On the third day on usenet, tom truscott sent to me
three new scripts, (1 patch to inews and two patches to the patch!)
two ‘rot 13’s and
a reject from uucp…

On the fourth day on usenet, readnews had for me:
four net.flames (what… only four?!)
three new scripts,
two rot 13’s and
a reject from uucp…

On the fifth day on usenet, plain for all to see (were)
five hundred lines! (all in one message, mind you…brief and to the point!)
four net.flames,
three new scripts,
two rot 13’s and
a reject from uucp…

On the sixth day of usenet, our postnews gave to me
six orphaned responses, (darn thing never *did* get it right!)
five hundred lines!
four net.flames,
three new scripts,
two rot 13’s and
a reject from uucp….

On the seventh day on usenet, our adm gave to me
seven added newsgroups (all dealing with the same topic, of course.)
six orphaned responses,
five hundred lines!!
four net.flames,
three new scripts,
two rot 13’s and
a reject from uucp…

On the eighth day on usenet ‘sf-lovers’ gave to me
eight Doctor Who fans, (even after we give them their own group!)
seven added newsgroups,
six orphaned responses,
five hundred lines!!
four net.flames,
three new scripts,
two rot 13’s and
a reject from uucp…

On the ninth day on usenet my mbox had for me
nine chain letters, (yep… the same one that was finally posted.)
eight Doctor Who fans,
seven added newsgroups,
six orphaned responses,
five hundred lines!
four net.flames,
three new scripts,
two rot 13’s and
a reject from uucp…

On the tenth day on usenet, the df showed to me
ten blocks of disk space (left, that is…)
nine chain letters,
eight Doctor Who fans,
seven added newsgroups,
six orphaned responses,
five hundred lines!
four net.flames,
three new scripts,
two rot 13’s and
a reject from uucp…

On the eleventh day on usenet, the phone bill came to me:
eleven calls to europe, (gee, i didn’t know we had a *direct* uucp link
ten blocks of disk space, …to mcvax!)
nine chain letters,
eght Doctor Who fans,
seven added newsgroups,
six orphaned responses,
five hundred lines!
four net.flames,
three new scripts,
two rot 13’s and
a reject from uucp…

On the twelfth day on usenet, i read despairingly:
 -------------------------------------------------
 |                                               |
 |    Your USENET administrator has taken your   |
 |    site off the net. For further information  |
 |    contact Pacific Bell re: your system's     |
 |    $1300 phone bill.                          |
 |                        Sincerely,             |
 |                          The Management.      |
 |                                               |
 -------------------------------------------------

Author : Laura Glenn <opje@proper.UUCP>

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