Real software engineers don’t read dumps. They never generate them, and on the rare occasions that they come across them, they are vaguely amused. Real software engineers don’t comment their code. The identifiers are so mnemonic they don’t have to. Real software engineers don’t write applications programs, they implement algorithms. …
To the tune of “Let it Be” by the Beatles When I find my code in tons of trouble, Friends and colleagues come to me, Speaking words of wisdom: “Write in C.” As the deadline fast approaches, And bugs are all that I can see, Somewhere, someone whispers: “Write in …
To the tune of “Money for Nothing” by Dire Straits I waaaant my.. I waaaant my… I waaaant my C-R-T…… Now look at them hackers, That’s the way ya’ do it. Ya’ play with mem’ry that you cannot see. Now that ain’t workin, that’s the way ya do it. Get …
To the tune of “Smuggler’s Blues” by Glenn Frye There’s trouble in the data now, I can feel it in my bones, I had a premonition that I should’nt code alone, I had the new dos loaded but I didn’t think it’d fry, Then everything exploded and 2 weeks work …
To the tune of “Sledgehammer” by Peter Gabriel You could have some FORTRAN. I will write your subroutine You could have some C and Ada I will rev up your machine Why don’t you just hire me? I’ll code anything you need You can have some Pascal; You type ‘IF’ …
To the tune of “Killing Me Softly” by Roberta Flack I heard he’d written good code in top-down structured style and so I thought I’d hire him to fill in for a while. And there he was, this young boy, a stranger to my eyes… Chorus: Fixing Pascal with machine …
To the tune of “The Lumberjack Song” by Monty Python Chorus: I’m a programmer and I’m insane. I work all night and I hack all day. I patch up bugs. I write in C On the EE’s PDP. On Wednesdays I do COBOL And structured RPG. (Arrgh!) (Chorus) I edit …
To the tune of “Pressure” by Billy Joel You have to learn to pace yourself FORTRAN You’re just like everybody else FORTRAN You’ve only had to write Pascal So far But you will come to the day When the only thing that counts Are megaflops on a Cray And you’ll …
To the tune of”Fifty Ways to Leave Your Lover” by Paul Simon The problem’s all inside your code she said to me; Recursion is easy if you take it logically. I’m here to help you if you’re struggling to learn C, There must be fifty ways to hose your code. …
To the tune of “Cheeseburger in Paradise” by Jimmy Buffett Tried to amend my low-level habits started learning Ada last fall Writing tasks with conditional rendez-vous calls Raising lots’a exceptions and handling them all But at night I had these wonderful dreams some kind of sensuous treat Not of subtypes …
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