Write in C

To the tune of “Let it Be” by the Beatles When I find my code in tons of trouble, Friends and colleagues come to me, Speaking words of wisdom: “Write in C.” As the deadline fast approaches, And bugs are all that I can see, Somewhere, someone whispers: “Write in …

Software for Nothing

To the tune of “Money for Nothing” by Dire Straits I waaaant my.. I waaaant my… I waaaant my C-R-T…… Now look at them hackers, That’s the way ya’ do it. Ya’ play with mem’ry that you cannot see. Now that ain’t workin, that’s the way ya do it. Get …

Programmer

To the tune of “Sledgehammer” by Peter Gabriel You could have some FORTRAN. I will write your subroutine You could have some C and Ada I will rev up your machine Why don’t you just hire me? I’ll code anything you need You can have some Pascal; You type ‘IF’ …

Kludging My Software

To the tune  of “Killing Me Softly” by Roberta Flack I heard he’d written good code in top-down structured style and so I thought I’d hire him to fill in for a while. And there he was, this young boy, a stranger to my eyes… Chorus: Fixing Pascal with machine …

I’m a Programmer

To the tune of  “The Lumberjack Song” by Monty Python Chorus: I’m a programmer and I’m insane. I work all night and I hack all day. I patch up bugs. I write in C On the EE’s PDP. On Wednesdays I do COBOL And structured RPG. (Arrgh!) (Chorus) I edit …

FORTRAN

To the tune of “Pressure” by Billy Joel You have to learn to pace yourself FORTRAN You’re just like everybody else FORTRAN You’ve only had to write Pascal So far But you will come to the day When the only thing that counts Are megaflops on a Cray And you’ll …

C Hacker in Paradise

To the tune of “Cheeseburger in Paradise” by Jimmy Buffett Tried to amend my low-level habits started learning Ada last fall Writing tasks with conditional rendez-vous calls Raising lots’a exceptions and handling them all But at night I had these wonderful dreams some kind of sensuous treat Not of subtypes …