When the Final Doesn’t Matter

50 Fun things to do in a final that does not matter (i.e. you are going
to fail the class completely no matter what you get on the final exam)
    1.  Bring a pillow. Fall asleep (or pretend to) until the last 15
     minutes. Wake up, say "oh gee, better get cracking" and do some
     gibberish work. Turn it in a few minutes early.
 2.  Get a copy of the exam, run out screaming "Boris, Boris, I've got the
     secret documents!!"
 3.  If it is a math/science exam, answer in essay form. If it is long
     answer/essay form, answer with numbers and symbols. Be creative.  Use the
     integral symbol.
  4.  Make paper airplanes out of the exam. Aim them at the instructor's
     left nostril.
  5.  Talk the entire way through the exam. Read questions aloud, debate
     your answers with yourself out loud. If asked to stop, yell out, "I'm
     SOOO sure you can hear me thinking." Then start talking about what a jerk
     the instructor is.
    6.  Bring cheerleaders.
    7.  Walk in, get the exam, sit down. About five minutes into it, loudly
     say to the instructor, "I don't understand ANY of this. I've been to
     every lecture all semester long! What's the deal? And who the hell are
     you? Where's the regular guy?"
    8.  Bring a Game Boy (or Game Gear, etc...). Play with the volume at max
    9.  On the answer sheet (book, whatever) find a new, interesting way to
     refuse to answer every question. For example: I refuse to answer this
     question on the grounds that it conflicts with my religious beliefs. Be
    10.  Bring pets.
    11.  Run into the exam room looking about frantically. Breathe a sigh of
     relief. Go to the instructor, say "They've found me, I have to leave the
     country" and run off.
    12.  Fifteen minutes into the exam, stand up, rip up all the papers into
     very small pieces, throw them into the air and yell out "Merry
     Christmas."  If you're really daring, ask for another copy of the exam.
     Say you lost the first one. Repeat this process every fifteen minutes.
    13.  Do the exam with crayons, paint, or fluorescent markers.
    14.  Come into the exam wearing slippers, a bathrobe, a towel on your
     head, and nothing else.
    15.  Come down with a BAD case of Turet's Syndrome during the exam.  Be as
     vulgar as possible.
    16.  Do the entire exam in another language. If you don't know one, make
     one up!  For math/science exams, try using Roman numerals.
    17.  Bring things to throw at the instructor when s/he's not looking.
     Blame it on the person nearest to you.
    18.  As soon as the instructor hands you the exam, eat it.
    19.  Walk into the exam with an entourage. Claim you are going to be
    taping your next video during the exam. Try to get the instructor to let
     them stay, be persuasive. Tell the instructor to expect a percentage of
     the profits if they are allowed to stay.
    20.  Every five minutes, stand up, collect all your things, move to
     another seat, continue with the exam.
    21.  Turn in the exam approximately 30 minutes into it. As you walk out,
     start commenting on how easy it was.
    22.  Do the entire exam as if it was multiple choice and true/false.  If
     it is a multiple choice exam, spell out interesting things (DCCAB.  BABE.
    23.  Bring a black marker. Return the exam with all questions and answers
     completely blacked out.
    24.  Get the exam. Twenty minutes into it, throw your papers down
     violently, scream out "Screw this!" and walk out triumphantly.
    25.  Arrange a protest before the exam starts (i.e. Threaten the
     instructor that whether or not everyone's done, they are all leaving
     after one hour to go drink)
    26.  Show up completely drunk. (Completely drunk means at some point
    during the exam, you should start crying for mommy).
    27.  Every now and then, clap twice rapidly. If the instructor asks why,
     tell him/her in a very derogatory tone, "the light bulb that goes on
     above my head when I get an idea is hooked up to a clapper. DUH!"
    28.  Comment on how sexy the instructor is looking that day.
    29.  Come to the exam wearing a black cloak. After about 30 minutes, put
     on a white mask and start yelling "I'm here, the phantom of the opera"
     until they drag you away.
    30.  Go to an exam for a class you have no clue about, where you know the
     class is very small, and the instructor would recognize you if you belonge.
     Claim that you have been to every lecture. Fight for your right to take
     the exam.
    31.  Upon receiving the exam, look it over, while laughing loudly, say
     "you don't really expect me to waste my time on this drivel? Days of our
     Lives is on!!!"
    32.  Bring a water pistol with you. Nuff said.
    33.  From the moment the exam begins, hum the theme to Jeopardy.  Ignore
     the instructor's requests for you to stop. When they finally get you to
     leave one way or another, begin whistling the theme to the Bridge on the
     River Kwai.
    34.  Start a brawl in the middle of the exam.
    35.  If the exam is math/science related, make up the longest proofs you
     could possibly think of. Get pi and imaginary numbers into most
     equations. If it is a written exam, relate everything to your own life
    36.  Come in wearing a full knight's outfit, complete with sword and
    37.  Bring a friend to give you a back massage the entire way through the
     exam. Insist this person is needed, because you have bad circulation.
    38.  Bring cheat sheets FOR ANOTHER CLASS (make sure this is obvious...
     like history notes for a calculus exam... otherwise you're not just
    failing, you're getting kicked out too) and staple them to the exam, with
     the comment "Please use the attached notes for references as you see fit."
    39.  When you walk in, complain about the heat. Strip.
    40.  After you get the exam, call the instructor over, point to any
     question, ask for the answer. Try to work it out of him/her.
    41.  One word: Wrestlemania.
    42.  Bring balloons, blow them up, start throwing them around like they
     do before concerts start.
    43.  Try to get people in the room to do the wave.
    44.  Play frisbee with a friend at the other side of the room.
    45.  Bring some large, cumbersome, ugly idol. Put it right next to you.
     Pray to it often. Consider a small sacrifice.
    46.  Get deliveries of candy, flowers, balloons, telegrams, etc...  sent
     to you every few minutes throughout the exam.
    47.  During the exam, take apart everything around you. Desks, chairs,
     anything you can reach.
    48.  Complete the exam with everything you write being backwards at a 90
     degree angle.
    49.  Bring a musical instrument with you, play various tunes.
    50.  Answer the exam with the "Top Ten Reasons Why Professor xxxx Sucks"

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